Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
