it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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