you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
