he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
