i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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