the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
