I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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