i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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