Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize