My first STD was from a foam party
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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