We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
