I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
