im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
