hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize