I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
