i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
