i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
