girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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