We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
