nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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