We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
