of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
