The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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