He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
this is an emotional support booty call
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
