I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
