Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
