I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
