My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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