Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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