I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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