I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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