I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
