he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
