Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize