we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
