I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We have started to decorate penises.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
