so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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