HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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