When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
