guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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