I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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