I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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