I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
