That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
if only i could text you this smell
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
