I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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