You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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