question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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