went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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