Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
