I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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