my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
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