OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
