Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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