My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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