Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
