His pubic hair was longer than his dick
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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