Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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