i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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