she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
