so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
