He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
