Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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