She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
