when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
