I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
third nipple confirmed
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
