Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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