I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
