look no pants
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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