When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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