I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
