Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
