when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
