I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize