i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We named our party play list daddy issues
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
