I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
