Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
