I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
