In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
